All we are is meat. It is a shame that this revelations comes so late in life. We all cry for help, yet the cries go unheeded its even worse to think that all our earthly plans and pursuits will amount to the simple truth. All we are is meat, so slowly we bleed to death from our eyes, yet our bodies do not die our souls do.
The four prophets of old came to me in the most precious of silences, and beseeched me to listen whilst I slept. In my sleep they told the secrets the wind whispers to the earth through the trees. they spoke of all that is to come and all that has passed as if it where one. they told me my purpose and I awoke knowing the truths of mad men and the lies of those who pretend.
the tears flow free from here. My mind reels from the sleep machine it is hooked to. I cant help but feel loved. I love this terrible device, yet it needs me more than I need it.
there goes my self importance again. I used to take pills for that, green and yellow pills that taste like allspice and vinegar. those damn tears, I took my little razor blades, green and yellow. I drank them with tears, Cocaine tears caused by Heroin needles embedded in the my corpus-callosum. Belly foul with Novocain, veins full of acid, phosphorescent thoughts drink me into nothingness.
somnolence at last.
Your a whore, I vomit obscenities into your lap. You love me don’t you? Where have you been all this time?
SLUT!
Your not a part of me, you figment of reality. A piece of a piece, an imperfect part of the world. I hate you! The blackness of Abbodon doesn’t compare to your grotesque excuses for eyes. Bifrons the king of ghouls has tasted fresher flesh than yours. The morning star is jealous of your tarnished heart. Your harlot ways cast you into Sodom.
BITCH!
I will bathe in your essence and be destroyed by your lust.
FUCK!
could this be love?
Vast a deep void is the ocean. the ocean is blue, these are well versed lies. knowledgeable beyond our own years, the din of silence is what old men rave about. The scent of blood in her tears the stench of love between her legs, these are the vexing things. The sight of her face, what a sight indeed. I gave her a fist full of violence, a womb full of TNT. can you blame me? The ocean is blue, the void is black, the sky is red, the night is crimson, and the soul is cruel. the ocean is a lie, smug and dangerous. the soul is pitiful, cruel and dying. In it a secret torment a silent animal that whimpers into the void the fetid smell of it. My Anima is anemic because I hate with every fiber, with every breath. Give me cruelties I want to inject the lie into me. I want to be lost, lost in the ocean smug and deceptive, a creature beyond our grasp, a lie, a terrible little lie.
my thighs ached, and my knees where scrapped and numb. Your back burned and throbbed yet we shot smiles between each other. We held hands, we waited for buses while I dried on your stomach. We giggled, we gambled we got nowhere fast.
We got angry, you got lonely. i got distant. you watched baby shows. I watched dirty movies. we made plans, i made offers. I bargained with gods.you bargained with me. We waited, then relief, then despair. The machine turned on, you dilated, you squeezed my hand, you are a beautiful person. I cry from time to time. I still have nightmares.
We left, we starved, we where abandoned. I abandoned you, We fought, we raised a child, we fought, we had rough sex, we fought, we left, I abused your kindness, and again I made you leave, I followed, we fought.
Those days our over, my hands are shaky and calloused, my eyes are grayed and distant. My skin is yellowed from the self loathing. My soul is concrete, but you keep my heart warm and light, and I promise love those days are over, and over and over.
I couldn’t take it any more, she cried for 6 days straight . I left her for selfish reasons. I like to hurt her from time to time. Proof I could still be the old me. Oh but how you tantalize me . you vex me. I drive myself to brinks I cannot sustain, its my fault for being drunk with power. Its your fault for giving it to me, I couldn’t take it any more. I cried for 6 days straight, I returned for selfish reasons.
I am ataraxic. I do not care about the ax impending. I have not cared, Mine is Hagakure. I fear no dagger nor fall, or other violence. My Line was cast before me. i choose when it is to be cut. I do not fear death, only the pain I will bring with me in the next life, mine is the way of ancients. Mine is my path, my choosing, my length.
He never asked,
that was half the pain,
she was to young,
to play this game,
he whispers those words,
that men say,
she didn’t know to resist,
now she knows how to play,
his eyes were matches,
his fingers glass,
her skin was paper,
her breath was gas,
he lit her with ease,
and cut her,
to bits,
and after it all,
she found the point,
pain is knowledge,
when wisdom fails,
the searing pain,
like life’s nails,
this life burns,
these are the signs,
you are growing up.
imagine tomorrow you wake ups to nothing. The white noise of the city far gone. No more fluorescent buzzing, no more cars whizzing by no more hum of computers. No more phone calls. Only your breath on the wind. How small will you feel? How big does an I-pod make you? How alive will you feel without your cellphone? How many times have your heard that noise? That maddening defining noise. How many times have heard silence?
The Deep Sleep Review